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| HINDU
MARRIAGE IS AN ETERNAL BOND |
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| Value
insights on Hindu Marriage Rituals & Ceremonies |
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In
the Hindu religion, marriage is not just
a union between a man and a woman with the
intention of living as man and wife. It
is also not simply a physical relationship
where a man and woman live together, bear
children and raise a family. It is a much
deeper bond. The physical relationship is
an essential part of it. But equally important
is the deep emotional bond that takes the
couple towards spiritual bonding.
| It
is believed that marriage occurs
through destiny and is the building
of a relationship between two families,
where not only the couple, but the
other members of the two families
also contribute to make it a wholesome
relationship. A marriage is a union
between two bodies, two minds, two
hearts, and two spirits or souls
that loving resolve to live together.
As per Hindu tradition, a marriage
is an irrevocable, pure and religious
relationship. Through marriage,
two individuals form a united family
where both benefit each other through
their abilities and emotional support.
Marriage is a union of two souls.
The purpose is not restricted to
sensual pleasures that marriage
offers but extends to creating the
foundation of a home, of having
children and raising a family |
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In Vedic literature, it has been clarified
by some that it was the need for maintaining
dignity and propriety of conduct between
a man and woman that led to the evolution
of the institution of marriage. Since then,
it has withstood the test of time.
A Hindu marriage performed by chanting popular
mantras is referred to as Brahm vivah
– a union devoted to the eternal spirit.
According to Hindu literature, there are
several ways of getting married. Brahm (related
to the Eternal Spirit), Dev (related to
the gods), Aarsh (related to sages), Prajapatya
(related to kings), Asur (related to demons),
Gandharv (related to the Gandharv community
– a love marriage), Rakshas (related
to demons and evil spirits) and Paisach
(related to Satan)
Amongst the many benefits of marriage, friendship,
companionship, development of emotional
maturity, sexual satisfaction, having children,
physical and emotional health and long life
are the most significant. Besides all these
important characteristics, the ability to
face problems together and the deep sense
of attachment that emerges in marriage helps
promote happiness. |
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| Comparing
horoscope to help find a compatible partner |
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Hindus believe that a child’s destiny
depends upon the configuration of the nine
planets at the time and place of birth.
It is therefore common to have a horoscope
made based on the birth time and birthplace
of the child. It is believed that the planets
have an influence on the marital life of
the individual, which is also indicated
in the horoscope. Therefore, many families
compare the horoscope of the prospective
bride and groom.
| In
astrology, marital compatibility
is based on eight parameters: |
| 1. |
Varna refers to
ego development. It carries one
mark |
| 2. |
Vashya refers to the intensity
of mutual attraction and affection.
It carries two marks |
| 3. |
Tara/Din refers to the health
and well-being of the couple.
It carries three marks |
| 4. |
Yoni refers to biological compatibility
and satisfaction. It carries four
marks |
| 5. |
Graha Maitri refers to outlook,
objective, intellectual level
and spiritual plane of existence.It
carries five marks |
| 6. |
Gana refers to temperamental
characteristics. It carries six
marks |
| 7. |
Bhakut refers to family welfare.
It carries seven marks |
| 8. |
Nadi refers to outside appearance
and health. It carries eight marks |
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The eight parameters together carry 36 marks,
or Gunas as they are called in astrology.
The parameters balance each other. When
the two horoscopes are compared, a minimum
of 18 gunas is necessary for a match to
be declared compatible. The more the gunas
scored, the better the outlook. Sometimes
the horoscope may predict total compatibility.
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| The
all - important "Tying of the knot"
- an important part of the Hindu Wedding |
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When
Hindus talk of gathbandhan in marriage,
it means bringing together two individuals
by symbolically tying the loose ends of
their scarf and veil, or other clothing.
From two individuals – two bodies
and two minds – they become a single
entity through marriage.
Tying of the knot also
symbolizes that the two are tied for a common
purpose. It is expected that in pursuing
the common cause each shall supplement the
efforts of the other. Therefore, tying the
knot symbolizes an irrevocable relationship.
Before tying of the knot,
the parents of the bride formally hand her
over in marriage to the groom. This is known
as kanya daan.
When tying the knot it
is customary to tie a coin, flower, turmeric,
durva grass and rice within the knot. Each
of these has a particular significance.
A coin is symbolic of money.
Tying it in the knot signifies that neither
shall be independent in controlling the
family finances. It will be a joint responsibility
and both shall have equal control over money.
A flower symbolizes goodwill,
contentment, joy, happiness and companionship.
One must complement the other.
Turmeric has medicinal
qualities. It is symbolic of a teacher.
It also symbolizes the need for the physical
and emotional health of each partner. One
should not let down or hurt the other.
Durva grass is everygreen
and symbolic of everlasting love and care.
Durva grass never dries up. Even when it
looks dries, a little water turns it green.
In the same way, there must be great love
and intimacy between the couple.
Rice is symbolic of Annapurna,
a form of Durga. She is worshipped for her
power of giving food. Rice also symbolizes
that both will consume the food that is
earned and brought home, after it is equally
shared. It also reminds one of the responsibilities
towards the community where one lives. Rice
motivates one to follow a common path of
mutual welfare.
Even after the wedding,
whenever the couple sit together in a religious
ceremony, it is customary that a knot is
tied between them. This is symbolic of the
couple being a single entity, not two separate
individuals. |
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| The
"PHERAS" |
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| Taking
the pheras is one of the
most important ceremonies in a Hindu
wedding. Amongst Hindus it is customary
for the couple getting married to
go around the fire seven times in
a slow formal walk. Sikhs walk around
the Guru Granth Sahib. According to
the religious texts, it is customary
to walk around the fire four times.
However, many priests now have it
done seven times confusing this with
saptpadi, which is a separate rite.
This ceremony fulfils religious aspects
of the marriage and is symbolic of
the irrevocable faith a couple must
have in each other. |
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During the ceremony the couple walk
around the fire slowly amidst chants
of wedding mantras. The two promise
that in the presence of Agnidev(the
god of fire), parents, relatives and
friends they are getting religiously
bound in a mutual relationship. They
assert that they are morally bound
and shall fulfill their promise to
the best of their abilities. This
ceremony is performed before the fire
since it symbolizes energy or Surya,
the sun. Surya is the soul of the
living world and a form of Vishnu.
Therefore, when one walks around the
fire, it is symbolic of going around
with God as witness.
The couple walks clockwise. In the
first four rounds, the bride leads
and the broom follows. In the final
three, the groom leads and the bride
follows. The priest reads mantras
during each round. At the end of each
round the couple half, repeat the
Gayatri mantra, and offer prayers
to the fire. During the ceremony the
bride leads four times and the groom
thrice. It indicates that in all household
matters she shall lead, since she
is more experienced in this sphere.
In professional or vocational fields,
the man shall lead because he is more
experienced. When both consult each
other in matters pertaining to the
home and outside and work in unison,
they establish a successful family
together. |
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| Why
is "Saptpadi" an essential part
of the Hindu Wedding Ceremony? |
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After
going around the fire seven times, the next
ceremony is Saptpadi, literally
the seven steps. In Hindu law, a marriage
is not complete without Saptpadi.
Here, the bride and groom move step by step
in unison taking seven steps, with the priest
chanting mantras at each step, while the
couple take vows and make commitments with
the gods, parents and others as witnesses
to ensure a lifetime of marital bliss.
The ceremony has a definite
purpose. When two people meet they get to
know each other. When they walk together
they inquire about each other and make firm
commitments. The seven steps are symbolic
of walking together by a couple. Since Saptpadi
is a requirement of Hindu law for a marriage
to be valid, it is symbolized by making
seven lines or mounds of rice grains or
of turmeric powder. Each line represents
a step. With each step the couple dismantles
one line with their feet. A particular aspect
of life is covered with each step.
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| Step
1: |
This
step refers to the availability
of ample food in the home and
eating and living together.
Food is related to health and
welfare. It is important that
both must eat wholesome food
together. |
| Step
2: |
This relates
to physical work around the
house. Physical effort and co-operation
in keeping the family happy
is important. Mutual agreement
and consultation promote physical
and emotional well-being and
confidence. |
| Step
3: |
It relates
to mutual respect and prosperity.
Both must co-operate with each
other to provide the family
needs. This ensures there is
enough for all. |
| Step
4: |
The fourth
step relates to happiness. Both
must understand each other,
be caring, pray together and
enjoy each other’s company. |
| Step
5: |
The fifth
relates to personal duties and
responsibilities. This includes
the welfare of family members,
dependents, animals and pets.
These needs must be met throughout
life. This can be difficult
sometimes. Yet there is the
need for happiness and contentment
for all. |
| Step
6: |
The sixth
step related to mutual respect
for each other’s families.
Personal misunderstanding must
be overcome and families accepted
as they are. The couple must
find marital happiness together
though an open mind. |
| Step
7: |
The seventh
related to mutual friendship
between the couple. This includes
kindness, obedience and affectionate
behavior towards each other.
It also includes the need for
forgiving wrong actions to ensure
a happy and peaceful relationship
between the couple. They must
live together to raise a family
and gain a standing in society.
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| Marital
vows taken by the husband and wife in a Hindu
Marriage |
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After
the marriage ceremony is concluded the bride
and groom are told about their duties and
responsibilities in married life. To affirm
their faith in building a lasting marital
bond, both partners take separate vows.
These vows direct the couple to a positive
path of action. They help in promoting marital
happiness for a lifetime. The priest reads
the vows one by one and the individual.
| Vows
by the Husband |
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1. |
I will consider my wife
to be the better half. I will look after
her just as I look after myself |
2. |
Accepting her as in-charge of the
home, I shall plan things in consultation
with her. |
3. |
I will never express dissatisfaction
about any shortcomings in my wife. If
there are any, I will explain them to
her lovingly. I will support her in
overcoming them. |
4. |
I will always have faith in my wife.
I will never look at another woman with
wrong intent, nor have an illicit relationship. |
5. |
I will be affectionate and treat my
wife like a friend. |
6. |
I will bring home all my income to
my wife. The household expenses will
be incurred with her consent. I will
always make an effort to ensure
her comfort and happiness. |
7. |
I will not find fault or criticize
my wife before others. We will sort
out our differences and mistakes in
privacy by ourselves. |
8. |
I will have a courteous and tolerant
attitude towards my wife. I will always
follow a compromising policy. |
9. |
If my wife is unwell, or is unable
to fulfill some responsibility, or through
some misunderstanding behaves wrongly,
I will not withdraw support or
refuse to fulfill my responsibilities
towards her. |
10. |
I will always do my best to encourage
my wife to find self-fulfilment. I will
always behave in a kind and loving manner
towards her. |
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| Vows
by the Wife |
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1. |
I
will merge my personality with that
of my husband, and truly become
the better half. We will begin a
new life together. |
2. |
I will always
treat my husband’s relatives
with courtesy, respect and generosity,
and spare no efforts to keep them
happy and content. |
3. |
I will work
hard to perform the household work
and support my husband. I will never
be lazy. |
4. |
With complete
faith in my husband, I will live
just as he desires. I will always
be faithful to him |
5. |
I will always
speak pleasantly, be service-minded,
and have an attitude of contentment.
I will never sulk, grumble or be
jealous. |
6. |
I will be frugal
in running my home, and will avoid
wastefulness. |
7. |
I will never
be indifferent towards my husband
and will treat him like God. I will
never insult or abandon him |
8. |
If there are
any differences with my husband,
I will resolve them peacefully and
never present them in a derogatory
manner. |
9. |
I will always
keep my husband content with humility
and service. |
10. |
Even if my
husband is indifferent towards me,
without any consideration I will
faithfully fulfill my responsibilities. |
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| Relevance
of wearing a "Mangalsutra" for a
married woman |
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Mangal
means auspicious. Sutra denotes
thread. Therefore, Mangalsutra
literally means an auspicious thread.
According to Hindu custom, married
women wear a mangalutra around the
neck since it is symbolic of a woman
being married. With time the thread
is now a string of black beads interspersed
with golden beads. Depending on
individual pockets, the Mangalsutra
comes in a wide variety of styles.
However, the black beads prevail
in all designs.
Irrespective of
the jewellery a woman may wear,
the Mangalsutra has special
significance. It is the symbol of
good luck. Wearing it brings good
fortune. It also symbolizes the
love between the couple. No woman
wants to part with it for any kind
of jewellery. A woman parts with
it only after her husband’s
demise.
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It is customary that
after the marriage ceremony the husband
gifts the wife a Mangalsutra.
Amongst other Hindu communities a
marriage ceremony is not complete
until the husband makes the wife wear
a Mangalsutra around the
neck. The use of black beads and figures
like those of a peacock or a pendant
are considered important components
of a Mangalsutra. There is
a belief that a Mangalsutra
worn by a wife protects the husband
from inauspicious and unfortunate
happenings. A peacock is a symbol
of a woman’s love for her husband.
Black beads ward off evil. They also
help conserve one’s energy.
A Mangalsutra may be made
in gold or silver. Both are in popular
use. It is believed that one made
in gold is superior; since gold helps
increase energy levels in the body
and is a symbol of prosperity.
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